The one with the School Bag

Last week there were tears.  My five year old niece came home from school having been told that she was no longer allowed to take her bag into the classroom.  Instead, she should use a book bag.  Luckily, she already had a book bag at home, so the changeover should have been straightforward - but no!  She loved her bag.  It was big and brown, had funny animals printed on it, and it could hold everything a five year old could possibly need!

She wasn't happy, but it was school policy.

Bags like hers take up too much space in the cloakroom - they cause a potential tripping hazard in the corridor and create a general untidy environment to work in.  Book bags, on the other hand, fit safely and tidily in the box provided.  It makes sense.

I explained the rationale behind the bag exchange to her, and although she understood, she wasn't impressed. 


But, rules were rules, and reluctantly she swapped her beloved brown bag for the regulatory blue book bag.  And that was that.  End of story.


Until ...




You can read the rest of this post, written for YouthWork Conference here ... This will take you to the main page, click on the blog tab at the top, and find the post titled 'Everyone Else Does it!'  And while you are there - why don't you check out the rest of the blog posts and site?  There's a lot of good 'stuff' there!

Let me know what you think :)

The one with the problem

I have a problem, and 18 years ago today, in a speech my Father gave at my wedding, he told all the guests about it.

I still struggle with it today, despite knowing it limits and restricts a life lived to the full!

You would think that after all this time I would be free of it, but no, it still lingers and rears its ugly head without invitation. 

I need to shake it off and get over it, but it's deep-set and firmly lodged in my very being - in my thoughts, words and action.  It sucks - and it's time to come clean in an attempt to loosen its hold on my life.

This blog welcomes the start of the healing process ...

You see, I'm a competitive perfectionist.  There, it's out.  Written in black and placed on white.  A truth that has often been dressed up and disguised as something good.  But it's not.  It's really not.

The words my Father spoke all those years ago came as a surprise - I hadn't realised he knew me that well to be honest.  We were not the closest of families!  And yet, he recognised it.  He had seen it play out in many areas of my life, and seen the effect it had on my ability to enjoy the opportunities given to me.

'Joanne (that received an audible drawing in of breath from the guests as I had never been known by my given name, and had changed it to 'Jo' by deed poll before getting married!) - is a talented and gifted girl (well - I was only 23) who is capable of achieving great things, and I hope she does and that her need to be the best at everything she does won't get in the way of this.'

Wow.

That was me!

So many times I had given up on something when I realised I wasn't the best.  I wasn't the fastest.  The toughest.  The most clever.  The funniest.

I loved life and learning new things and often found myself at a pretty good standard at most things I did.  But pretty good wasn't good enough.  Silver or Bronze looked dull compared to Gold!  I felt a failure.  I couldn't handle it - and when it became clear that I was unlikely to push through and achieve what I wanted I found an excuse to give up.

And today, nothing much has changed.  Even when it comes to blogging.

When I first dipped my toes into the sea of blogging nearly two years ago, I never expected to find myself feeling totally submerged and tossed around by its waves.  

In my first blog I explained ...

'Writing somehow allows me to express myself in a way that makes sense - to me at least!  As someone who finds expression difficult in word - I seem to be able to put my true thoughts and feelings down through pen and paper (keyboard and screen!).  Which - I guess - is ultimately the whole point of attempting this blog.  I hope writing this will allow me to explore and express!  That is for me.  For you?  I hope that through my ramblings you will somehow be encouraged and empowered - to explore your life - and all that God has planned for it :)'

The truth is, whilst I obviously hoped that one or two of my friends would read my ramblings, I honestly never expected my posts to reach the eyes of anyone else.  I guess I had a rather naive understanding of the blogosphere!

And now ... 60 posts on - with almost 50 followers and 25,000 hits on my blog - I have began to feel the pressure.  People actually choose to read my writings?!

But there are so many good bloggers out there.  They are funny, interesting, profound, creative, well-written, frequent, encouraging, insightful ... and I just can't compete with them.

And so, as always, I back off.  I go quiet.  I focus elsewhere and create excuses not to write.  Here we go again ...

But no!

I love writing.  I love sharing my thoughts.  I love that people are kind enough to read and sometimes comment or share.  I love that you have come back to read this after I have been in hiding for so long.

So, I'm not the best writer.  I am slow.  It takes me a long time to put my thoughts into sentences and paragraphs that I am happy with.  My grammatical understanding isn't great.  I just can't get my head around 'affect' and 'effect' - or when a colon or semi-colon should be used.  I make mistakes.

So, I'm not the most creative of thinkers. I can't always think outside of the box and offer new thoughts and ideas.  I don't often write in a way that captures the reader and carries them to new places.

And I could go on ...

I am never going to be the best blogger out there.  I'm never going to win an award.  I'm never going to soar the heights with stats and followers ...

But that's ok.  It isn't why I started blogging in the first place, and I need to remind myself of this.

It isn't about being the best is it?  We can't all be the best.  Imagine the blogosphere (or any other area) if all bloggers fought to be the best.  It would no longer be a colourful meadow of experiences, thoughts and ideas - but a battleground. Cold.  Ugly.  Messy.

I can't be the best at everything - and neither can you.

However, although I can't be the best, I can do my best. And this makes a big difference doesn't it?

I believe that God wants us to do our best in all that we do.  He has given us each unique giftings and talents and wants us to use them well. Half-hearted efforts do not reflect well on our relationship with a God who went all out and sent his Son to die for us.  We should do our best with what God has given us.

When we are doing our best, we consider our own experience, skill, resources and time - and not those of others.

When we are doing our best, we can let go of competition and enjoy the experience.

And that is where I am right now.  I accept I'm not the best blogger out there, and that I never will be and that is good. It releases the valve on the performance pressure that has built up almost to a level of writing paralysis.
 
I can stop the fight and enjoy the ride!

Maybe you understand?  Maybe you have battled with something similar.  Perhaps not in blogging, but elsewhere.  Can I encourage you to take some of the pressure off.  Accept you are not going to be the best at everything, every time.  It's just not possible.  Drop it.

But you can do your best with what you have, and when you do you will not only being to enjoy the experience but you will be able to live life to the full!

So, I'm blogging again. I will do my best.  I believe that God wants us to do this.  I love sharing my thoughts and experiences with you and hope that what I write will entertain, encourage and maybe even inspire you.  Yes, mistakes will be made, and others will write with greater creativity, but I am going to enjoy the experience again- and I hope you will too.
   

The one where I get a little heated

'No, you are not entitled to your opinion, until you have listened to that of others,  then you can make an informed opinion!'

I hadn't realised I felt so strongly about the issue!  What started (and finished) as a relaxed chat in Starbucks with a good friend, soon escalated into a more heated discussion, revealing a passion that until that moment I was unaware I held, at least to such extent.

The discussion began as we unpacked the success (or not?) of something new that had taken place during a Sunday Lite* sermon the previous Sunday.  What was new?

I had a live Twitter feed on the screen behind me and encouraged people to tweet their thoughts during the sermon using the designated hashtag.

[Ducks, waiting for the shocked comments to come my way!  Heretic!  Culture embracer!] 

This is an entirely new concept in our church.  Actually, I have yet to come across a 'live tweet' sermon anywhere else.  I knew it involved an element of risk, and would be a challenge to effectively pull off, but it was one I was prepared to at least try.

Why did I do this?  Were the congregation ready for it?  Would they understand the purpose?  Would they engage with it?  Would the Holy Spirit still feel able to speak into peoples' lives?  (Yes, that last question is peppered with a touch of sarcasm)

I explained the purpose to the congregation ...

1 - To encourage a greater (or different?) number of the congregation to engage with the sermon.

Sermons are (and have been for a long time) generally geared towards aural learners - those that sit, listen and take in.  Some sermons are presented in a more visual format, engaging those who learn through what they see.  However, there's a third group, kinaesthetic learners, who learn by doing - and this group often struggles during the more traditional style of sermon.

2 - To demonstrate that the Bible is for everyone

Image Source

By encouraging individuals to tweet their sermon related thoughts, I hoped to demonstrate that the Bible isn't just an empty story written long ago, neither is it limited to my understanding and application, but that it is something that comes alive in the minds, hearts and souls of all who hear.  It is 3-dimensional: Relevant, real, and relational.

Having explained the 'why', I then explained the 'how'.

All sermon related tweets should include the preselected #hashtag and would then appear on the large screen behind me.

It would be a live powerpoint written by the congregation.

It was a risk.  It was radical.  But I think it worked.

So, what about the heated discussion?  Did I have to defend the idea?  Well, in a sense, yes, but this wasn't what actually lit the fuse.

'It isn't my thing!'

It was the way in which it was so easily brushed aside as not being 'my thing' that propelled me to the edge of my seat.   Why the frustration? Surely each person can decide for themselves if something is their 'thing' or not?   It's down to personal opinion, right?

Yes but ...

Is it always possible to tell whether something will work for us or not, having had so little experience of it?   How many of the things we enjoy now weren't our 'thing' when we first tried them?  It's a shallow example, but I really disliked my very first experience of Starbucks.  It wasn't for me.   But now, well, I am there several times a week, known by name by most of the staff, have read several books on the company, and even used their motto as sermon themes. I am sat in my local Starbucks writing this blog!  It is definitely 'my thing'.

Many of our traditions at church would not be experienced and enjoyed now if 'not my thing' held weight every time.  Hasty abandonment could restrict the development of new practices. Consider the style of music a lot of us enjoy during our worship service.  Playing an electric guitar in church is now generally accepted and 'normal' ... but at first ... well I am sure it was dismissed as the devil's music, and would certainly not have been everyone's 'thing'.

But this wasn't the only angle that irritated me as I considered the thought.  It was the 'my' in the 'thing'.  What could this suggest?**  Because 'I' don't like it, it isn't right?  Since when has church been about the individual?  The church is a community of believers coming together to worship, serve, learn, encourage - to do life with each other.  Each other.  It is not about 'I' but about 'we'.  Perhaps we should take our eyes off our preferred style or practice and see how other people engage.  Worshiping together in this way will require sacrifice, but then, isn't this what Christianity is all about?  Laying OUR lives down?

I absolutely believe we must continually question the way we 'do' church.  Is it relevant?  Is it reverent?  Is it reaching people?  Is it engaging?  Is it authentic?  Is it what God wants?

I am not prepared to stand still, to plateau, and watch the church slowly become out of date in a way that no longer reaches the community.  I want people to discover Jesus!  If this means I may have to lay down some of my preferences - then I would like to think I am prepared to do this.

I know I haven't got it all right.  I have my traditions just like everyone else!  But I really pray that I will be open to new and different practices, if it allows a greater experience of God.

If we keep on doing what we've always done, we will always get what we've always got.  I want more!  Do you?  Are you prepared to let go of 'my thing' and experience something new, for the sake of others?

The live tweet really encouraged some people to engage in a different way.  For them, it worked.  I accept that for others it may have been a distraction, and I need to take this into account.  For to completely ignore their thoughts, and tweet during every sermon in this way would be allowing 'my thing' to prevail.

I don't want church to be about me.  Actually, I don't even want it to be about us.  I want it to be about Jesus!  How often does 'my thing' stop this from being the case?  Hmmm .....

Your thoughts ...

+ How quickly do you dismiss something as not being 'your thing'?

+ How can we make sure church is less about 'me' and more about 'them'?

+  How do you feel about a live tweet during a sermon?  Might it help?  Distract?

+  How do we ensure church engages with culture (ie social media) without losing sight of its purpose?

*Sunday Lite is our monthly outreach service - it's shorter, gospel centered, fast paced, interactive, and is targeted specifically for non-church goers, or those with little understanding of church patterns, words, and rituals.  Oh, and it finishes (as all good Christian outreach services seem to) with Do-nuts!

** Just to clarify, I am not suggesting that this is what the person I discussed tweeting with thought - but rather, what it could mean in certain contexts with different people.