The one with the snot

I have a cold.  (Sympathy welcomed!)

After a bad night's sleep (or lack of!) - I am sitting up in bed surrounded by used tissues, a bottle of Lucozade, and a tub of Vapour Rub. My voice is croaky, my head is heavy and I also have a VERY red nose! (If sympathy wasn't offered before - then perhaps now is a good time?)

Why share this delightful information with you?  Because in my sleep-deprived-semi-delirious-snot-filled state (ok, enough of that now!) I think God may be showing me something ...

'Stop that sniffing - get a tissue and blow it' - can't we all remember being told this when we were younger? I can understand it; sat in a room listening to persistent sniffing can be incredibly irritating! It is right up there with someone cracking their knuckles, biting their nails, clicking their pen, rubbing hands across synthetic trousers, *insert own irritation*.

However, there is more to it than just something that gets under our skin, or up our nose (ha!!)

Sniffing snot isn't good for us!  When we are ill snot (mucus for the proper and polite) traps debris, bacteria, viruses etc and expels them from our body.  When we get tired of blowing our nose and start to sniff we encourage germs to stick around! So why do we do it?  A few suggestions ...

• Habit - we have become so used to sniffing that we don't even notice we are doing it.

• Effort - perhaps we don't have a tissue in our pocket and it is just too much effort to go and get one.

• Appearance - blowing may cause our nose to become a little red (not a good look!)

• Discomfort - as well as turning a little red, our nose may also become sore. 

• Disgust - the snot that comes out of our nose grosses us out!

• Embarrassment - we may not want to draw attention to the fact we have a cold, and fear that blowing our nose may give it away.

Perhaps you may have other reasons for not blowing your nose up your sleeve (ha!!) but I think the above pretty much covers it.


Why share this with the world today?

Because I wonder how many of us sniff certain issues back down when we know God wants us to start dealing with them.  God knows the thoughts, attitudes, hurts, fears, experiences etc that hold us back, preventing us from living a full and purposeful life with him.  But often, when He begins to take various issues on a journey of expulsion from our lives, we sniff them back down again in a panic. 

Why would we do this when we believe God knows best?  Why would we want to do anything to get in the way of God working in our lives?  Let's revisit our 'blowing' excuses and look at them from a different perspective ...

• Habit - we have become so used to pushing the issues down again that we now 'sniff' without even realising we are doing it.

• Effort - perhaps we don't have the required tools to hand to deal with the issue. We may need to find a counselor, a trusted friend, a book to read, a journal to write, forgiveness to seek, a different route to take etc - but it may all seem like a bit too much effort.

• Appearance - we fear that dealing with our issues may alter our appearance for a while. We may become a little sensitive, distant, or find ourselves on an emotional roller coaster. 

• Discomfort - allowing difficult experiences, hurts, fears etc to surface may cause temporary discomfort.

• Disgust - we may find the issue that God wants us to deal with is surrounded by negative feelings / experiences such as disgust and guilt. 

• Embarrassment - we fear that allowing certain issues to surface may draw attention to ourselves when we would much rather keep under the radar of others and carry on as usual.

In the middle of a cold, I am sure you can understand that this sniffing analogy is particularly pertinent to me at this time. But behind the cover of a box of tissues and a very red nose lies the reality that I know God has started to bring damaging bacteria and restricting viruses out of their hiding place deep within my soul.

Colds may seem to appear in an instant - but linger for a while. I know this journey God has me on wont be cured with a sip of Lemsip. It will take time and it is likely to get a little uncomfortable.

I want to allow God to expel the rubbish that I have been holding on to - but the truth is - I really want to sniff.

Perhaps you too are a sniffer? Are you prepared to join me as I reach for a box of tissues and try to resist the temptation to sniff it all back in again? God is bigger than the colds we experience and has the ultimate cure for them - but we have to stop struggling and allow him to administer it.

And if you notice a quick sniff coming from my direction - please feel free to nudge me and give me 'the look'!

40 days of blogging

After a fantastic day with the Youthwork Magazine Team on Monday (I am sure you will hear more about this shortly)  I have decided to attempt to blog every day for the Lent period. I can't promise that the posts will be long, profound, or even interesting for that matter - but it's something I believe I will benefit from personally.  I love writing, but I lack confidence in my ability and am painfully slow at creating each sentence.  So, my hope is that as I force myself to sit down and write a little each day, I will learn how to 'create' at a slightly more productive speed without getting too tied down with each word and allow the sentence or even paragraph space to speak for itself.

Image Source

I am thinking over the writing advice of Ernest Hemingway to 'Write drunk, edit sober.'  Interesting. Whilst I don't intend to engage in a cheeky drinking session before writing, the concept of sitting down and just letting thoughts flow without scrutinising every word that appears on the screen intrigues me. I think it could work. 

So, this is the plan.  Write away.  Don't over-edit during the initial process but let the mind and fingers dance together with a great degree of freedom. The choreography can wait. 

I'm too tired to write any more now - but before I 'failed' at my attempt to write every day for Lent on the first day - I thought I should at least post a very brief introduction to this series.  Now that is done, I can quickly add this short piece to my blog, and tiptoe quietly away.

Tomorrow, when 'sober' I will no doubt read over these words and cringe.  But that's tomorrow, and I will deal with it then!

Time for bed.  Goodnight.

The one with the conflict (updated in memory of Sam Yates)

I stood at the crossing- coat zipped, hood up, headphones on - staring straight through the traffic that passed by at speed.  Each car came with a gust of wind that blew cold into my face, but still I stood, perfectly motionless, eyes fixed firmly on the other side, where my journey would soon continue.

I thought I heard God. Nothing loud. Nothing clear.  But a tiny, quiet whisper, almost drowned out with the noise of the traffic.

'What if the blur that stood between you and your fixed destination mattered to me?'  I thought of the people in the cars, heading out to collect the kids from school, going to the shops, carrying out their work, visiting friends.

Waiting for the lights to change, I thought: Was God reminding me that there was a hurting world out there, that can so often be forgotten about as we focus on our own plans and purpose? Had I become a bit preoccupied with my own desires at the expense of those around me? We are told to go into the world, make disciples, teach, correct, love and serve others - had I lost sight of this?

The lights remained the same. My thoughts concerned me. Had my life become too much about me?

And still I stood, staring into the distance. And then I thought I heard God. Nothing loud. Nothing clear. But a tiny, quiet whisper, almost drowned out with the noise of the traffic.

'What if the blur that stood between you and your fixed destination remained firm in my hands and would continue without you?' I thought of the people in the cars and their determination to arrive at their own destination, whatever that may be. And the likelihood of this happening without me interfering.

Still waiting for the lights to change, I thought: Was God reminding me that He is in control, not me.  Had I become a bit too preoccupied with what goes on around me - in my family, in church, in the community - at the expense of taking time out and enjoying God's presence?  Even Jesus at times withdrew from 'stuff' to spend time with his Father.

The lights remained the same. And again, my thoughts concerned me. Had my life become too much about my 'doing' - my involvement in what goes on around me?

The lights changed and I continued my journey.  Confusion!  Had God spoken to me?  Had he dropped a few simple thoughts into my mind and heart to teach, challenge and develop me?  I want to say 'yes' - but would that be foolish?  After all they seem to be in conflict with each other! Could God be nudging me to focus more on those around me AND take more time out to spend with him?

God's Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path and yet it seems to illuminate two different directions!  How can I walk both paths at once?

Bewilderment.
 

* Sunday night I experienced the same. A pulling in two different directions. Unsure which way to turn.

I should pray for God's will.  'Your Kingdom come, your will be done ...'  He sees the big picture, of course I should pray for God to have his way, his will, to do what he wants in the situation. For his plan and purpose to be fulfilled.

But I wanted him to hear my heart's desire and that of so many others. That is okay isn't it?  'Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart'  Please God, please.

But what if, on this occasion, these two approaches weren't in harmony? What if God's will and my desire were in conflict with each other? What then?

Could I be so bold as to focus on the story of the persistent widow and try to 'change' God's mind?  God, I really want this to happen. You can do it. You can perform a miracle. You can restore health. You are a powerful and loving God. Surely you hear the cries of our heart?

Frustration, disappointment, pain, anger ... but deep down, the underlying truth is that I know God knows best.

What can we do when we are caught in the middle of a laser show with lights directing us in many different directions?  I don't have the answer. I struggle with it. I can see 'A' makes sense - I can see 'B' makes sense.  Neither go directly against scripture and both seem right.

But I do believe that God directs the path of the righteous and to me that speaks of movement. A path goes somewhere. So, I guess the only wisdom I can offer in situations like these is to pick a path and see where it takes you and trust that God will direct each step until you are walking in his perfect plan for your life.

Sometimes it is true that both or all directions are right, it's just a matter of balance and keeping God involved and being prepared to change direction when he tells us to! Maybe that is what God was saying to me at the crossing?


And perhaps on Sunday night it was more about being persistent in prayer, in dwelling with the Creator God, than choosing the 'correct' approach? I will still pray and I will still believe!


* That Sunday we prayed for a beautiful young woman and much loved friend Sam Yates to receive a miracle in the form of new lungs. Sadly, this didn't happen and on the 14th April 2013 Sam lost her battle with Cystic Fibrosis. Beautiful Sam is now breathing easy, and dancing around in the presence of her Saviour Jesus. Whilst she is and always will be so incredibly missed, we still have to believe that God knows best. This is hard. But the legacy that Sam left will change lives here on earth. She fought hard and selflessly to raise awareness of organ donation, in order to significantly increase the life span and quality of others. Two years on and that legacy still continues in many different ways - (one of which is a short documentary called 'A Love Worth Giving' directed by James Newton - please check it out - https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/jamesnewton/a-love-worth-giving )

She really was a unique individual whose short life will always impact this world! Help raise organ donation awareness - sign the register and speak to your loved ones about it.

Sam, your love, your trust in Jesus, and your passion for life has and always will be an inspiration xx