Out of Sorts

Image courtesy of Heart and Soul

Today, I post out of sorts; it doesn't follow suit.  Its irregularity protrudes when laid aside the norm.

Its difference scares, but is comforted by the recollection of where it began ... nearly a year ago. 

In November last year, after a very difficult month, I began to blog.  The full reason for the venture into blogging can be read in The one at the Beginning, but the significance of today's post - I have copied and pasted below...

'Thirdly ... writing somehow allows me to express myself in a way that makes sense - to me at least!  As someone who finds expression difficult in spoken word - I seem to be able to put my true thoughts and feelings down through pen and paper (keyboard and screen!).  Which - I guess - is ultimately the whole point of attempting this blog.  I hope writing this will allow me to explore and express!  That is for me.'  

So, today, I need to 'explore and express'.  Life is tough.  It has been battle after battle.  I feel like I am losing, and yet, I can't let go.  Sometimes I want to, it would be easier that way.  But it isn't right - I must find the strength and determination and keep going.  I know God has called me to hack away at the overgrown grassland and clear a path for myself (and others) to walk, but the grass cuts the skin, and the work is difficult.  Can I take a rest?  Just a little breather?  Will the grass grow back that quickly if I do?

In all this confusion I am thankful that GOD IS.

That GOD IS my Strength.   

That GOD IS my Guide.

That GOD IS my Comfort.

That GOD IS my Peace.

That GOD IS my Refuge.

And that GOD IS Sovereign and Lord over ALL!


Remembering that GOD IS will keep me going.  Knowing that GOD IS encourages joy amidst the trials.

It is tough, yes, but it never promised to be easy.  BUT ...

GOD IS who I am living for and deep down I am thankful for the privilege and opportunity to do so.

I'm tired but I will push on, run the race, and leave a trail.

The one with the Sat-Nav

I finished my Tall Vanilla Latte (skinny, sugar free and extra hot) and made my way to the car. Today I would be catching up with a friend I hadn't seen in a couple of years. I was looking forward to it. It had been too long! All the details had been arranged via Twitter, and the postcode of her new address had been put into the Sat-Nav in advance. Music - check. Glasses - check. Engine running - check. Sat-Nav on - check. Ready! I was on my way!

However, as I left the carpark, and entered the roundabout, it became obvious that the journey would be a little more challenging than I had anticipated. I looked at the Sat-Nav to see where I should be exiting, only to see a blank screen! Panic! As I drove around the roundabout for a second time, the screen came back on - but with no directions. Not much help! What was a girl to do? No option but to drive round again and hope that the satellites were found and the directions given! This I did, but to no avail. Three times around a the roundabout, and the Sat-Nav had still not told me which exit to take. Getting dizzy!

I had to make a quick decision: drive around again and again in hope that it would work, or, try and make it on my own. Whilst the first option sounded tempting (and fun!) I was already on a pretty tight schedule if I was to arrive when expected. So ...

I did what I should have done right at the beginning of the journey - engage my brain! I knew this roundabout well, and surely should be able to work out which exit to take. The problem was, I wasn't entirely sure of the direction of the destination.  I began to eliminate the exits I knew wouldn't take me to my destination.  This helped. 

And then, well, I just went for it.  I exited the roundabout and headed for the motorway.  I figured I could always stop at the services and have a look at google maps if I still had no idea where to go.  Or, I could even swallow my pride and give my friend a call, admit I was lost without my Sat-Nav and ask her for directions.  It wouldn't be the end of the world.

Guess what?  Just as I entered the motorway, the Sat-Nav kicked in!  Yes, it had finally found the required satellites, and had the directions at the ready.  Phew!

I was pleased that I could now relax a little and let the Sat-Nav guide me, although I did give myself a little pack on the back for being prepared to try it on my own.  I had somewhere to get to, and I hadn't let unreliable technology stop me.

As I continued my journey, I reflected on this experience, and wondered how often we do something similar in our relationship with God.  Let's take worship as a destination for example.  We key in a heavenly destination on our internal Sat-Nav, and get ready to set off.  We head to the roundabout, and as we do, we focus our heart and mind on the things of God: how awesome he is and worthy of our worship. And then, as we enter the roundabout - nothing.  No emotional satellites are found.  We are not 'feeling' the warm and fuzzies we expect as we worship.  So, we go round again.  And again.  And again.  Nothing.  And yet, our destination hasn't changed.  God is still there and worthy of all our praise and worship.  So, what do we do?  Do we continue going round, in the hope that we will suddenly 'feel' right?  Or do we focus on the destination, trust in the Truth, exit and go for it?

We cannot rely purely on our feelings.  Just like technology, they can fail us.  They can be unreliable.  They can let us down.

We can, however, rely on the Truth.  Always.

Are you currently going round the roundabout, waiting for your internal Sat-Nav to work?  Are you focusing on the screen, instead of your destination?

Can I encourage you to take your eyes off of the screen and fix them firmly on where you need to go.  Trust in the Truth and pull off the roundabout.  You may find that unless you do, you will be going round that roundabout forever!

What if we take the wrong exit?  Well, is this really such a problem?  Isn't it better to set off, discover a wrong turning, and put it right, than to keep going round and round and never getting anywhere at all?

I once heard a great analogy that I have often considered in these situations -

It is much easier to change the direction of a car once it is moving, than to try to position it perfectly whilst it is stationary.  I would rather set off and allow God to alter the direction, than to try to lift the car into place myself!

How about you? 

Sometimes when we do put our trust in the Truth, rather than our feelings, we find that somewhere, further along the road they kick in - just like the Sat-Nav on my journey.

I had a great afternoon catching up with my friend.  Would I have ever got there if I had waited for the sat-nav to work on that roundabout?  I doubt it.  What a shame that would have been.

Don't put all your trust in your 'feeling' sat-nav, you never know what it is you will miss out on!  Instead -

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:5,6)

Focus on the destination, and make it happen!

The one with the Take That Tickets

Early Friday morning I awakened to the sound of my mobile phone vibrating against the bedside cabinet.  When I eventually realised that the Bzzzzzzzzzzing sound required an action, I turned over, and picked up the phone to my sister.  After a couple of grunts of greeting my sister asked a peculiar question.

'What are you doing at 9am and would you be able to sit on the phone for a while?'

What?  Why on earth would my sister be asking me to sit on her phone like a hen on an egg?!!!

Having only been awake a few minutes, my poor little brain just didn't have the capacity to understand what it was she was asking me to do.  As I began to wake up a little, and she continued to explain, I realised that my sister wasn't asking me to sit on the phone at all, but to sit by the phone and dial a number in for her.  You see, at 9am that morning Take That were releasing a limited amount of extra tickets for their forthcoming tour.  Evidently if you are a big fan of the group, this is very good news!  However, due to the high demand for these tickets, the phone lines were expected to be incredibly busy and very difficult to get through on.  Not such good news if you have somewhere else to be when the lines open!


As it happened I had a free hour between 9am and 10am so I agreed to walk round to her house and dial the ticket agency number for her.  She said she would write down the telephone number, the concert dates, her credit card information and anything else she thought I might need and leave it by the phone for me. 

So, at 9am exactly I picked up the phone, dialed the ticket agency number, had credit card details at the ready, and waiting for someone to answer my call.  Ha!  As if it would be that simple! 

'Thank you for calling Ticketmaster, we are sorry but all our operators are currently busy, please try again later'


 After nine or ten attempts to get through, I began to get a little bored.  So, I left the phone, popped to the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea.  Then I returned and tried again several times.

'The telephone network is busy, please hang up and try again'

A short while later I realised I had not had my breakfast, so again I left the phone and made my way to the kitchen to grab some cereal.  In between mouthfuls of weetabix and banana I half-heartedly tried to get through to the ticket sales, with no joy. 

This was taking longer than I expected.  Next break - the toilet! 

Then I tried the number again.

Then I had a quick look at Facebook on my mobile.

Then I tried again.

Then ..... well ... you get the idea.

You see, although I had said I would try to get these tickets for my sister, I just was not that interested myself.  I tried, but I didn't give it my all and I allowed myself to be distracted with other things.

My sister on the other hand had a totally different attitude.  She had arrived at work early that morning so that at 9am she could sit outside and dial the number from her mobile.  Continually!  As soon as the busy message appeared she hung up and redialed.  Time and time again without a break!  Her heart and her mind were totally set on getting these tickets and nothing was going to get in her way. 
She was so determined to see Take That - that at that time, nothing else really mattered.    She was prepared to give up time, energy, effort and money to make it happen.  All this to see Take That -   Four men that can sing well and put on a good show for an hour. 

Although I obviously don't share my sister's passion for Take That, and was not expecting to gain anything personally from my feeble attempt that morning, I did realise something important that I hope will have a lasting impact on my life ...

I know someone far, far greater than any member of Take That - someone who instead of singing to a crowd from a distant stage, invites me to have a personal relationship with them.  Someone who knows my name.  Someone who loves me unconditionally and someone who forgives completely. 

And yet, do I really put much effort in to spending time with Him?  Do I give it my all like my sister did to see Take That -or do I only put in minimal effort?

You know what? Far too often I approach God with a half-hearted attitude.  I allow distractions to get in the way; I get lazy.  I remain unfocused and get far too complacent.  I am not proud of this, but am honest enough to admit it, and determined enough to change it.

When asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus answered:  

'The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.' (Mark 12:30 - The Message)


Wow.  Love God with all your PASSION, PRAYER, INTELLIGENCE and ENERGY.  This is what I want to do.  This is what I need to do.  God loved me enough to send his Son to die for me, he gave his all.  He demonstrated effort and determination powerfully and perfectly!  What am I prepared to do in return?  What about you?


May I just draw one more quick point out of this experience?  As I explained previously, it proved very difficult to get through to the ticket sales.  The lines were continually busy and you were asked to try again later.  It was frustrating!  


This is different with God.  Listen to what God promises:

'Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own.' (Jeremiah 33:3)

He has promised to answer when we call. Yes!  God will answer :) There will never be a busy tone.  He will answer and tell us amazing things.  


So, I hope we can all learn from this experience.  I pray that we will realise how amazing it is to be invited to spend time in God's presence, and that we will work at loving him with all 'Passion, Prayer, Intelligence and Power' - not half-heartedly!  :)

To finish the story ... after an hour or so of trying my sister DID get hold of the tickets.  Not only did she have to put a lot of time and effort into obtaining them - she also had to pay a high price for them!  Over £200 for two tickets!!  Oh my!!