The one with the Mask

This week, just for a little while, I took off my mask (see previous post).  I displayed a little more of my true self than I am comfortable with.  It left me feeling as if I were walking around in an open field, undressed, with nowhere to hide or shade to seek refuge in.  I felt vulnerable and exposed.

Was I right to take off the mask?

(Insert good Christian answer here ... 'yes, of course, God wants us to be open and honest at all times')

Over the last few months, a lot has been said at church about taking off our masks.  It is obvious really isn't it?  As Christians we are to live our lives with integrity.  We are to be open and honest in all we say and do.   We should therefore make every effort to peel off our masks, and live and love as our real selves.   Anything short of this 'realness' would be deceptive and dishonest, and not congruent with our faith and relationship with Jesus.

If this is true, then we should immediately take off and discard our masks.  Right?

I think there are a couple of questions that need to be asked before we go rushing about in a self-awareness frenzy, identifying and throwing away our masks.

Firstly, and most importantly, we should ask ourselves - 'Who is it we are hiding our true self from?'

If we are trying to hide from God, then we have a problem.  You see, we will never be able to do this.  We need only to read Psalm 139 to know this.  God knows our innermost being.  He knows our thoughts.  He has examined our hearts and knows everything about us.  We try to hide in vain.  Our masks don't fool God.  Take them off, and come before God as you really are and accept the love he has for you - the real you.

How about if we are wearing our masks before other people?  Isn't this wrong too?

If our masks are concealing our true thoughts and feelings from other people, dare I suggest that it isn't always completely wrong to do so?

Does that shock you?  I have thought quite a lot about this lately, and whilst I agree that we should live our lives with complete honesty as much as possible, I can't help but acknowledge that some masks are valuable.

There are some masks that are worn for self-protection.  It would be crazy to suggest a fencer participate in a fight without wearing a mask.  The mask is there to protect and enable a fair and safe fight.  Without it a quick thrust of the opponent's epee could cause great harm and end the fight prematurely.

There are times when we need to wear a protective mask to keep us safe whilst in battle.  Perhaps a mask is needed to conceal our weakness and vulnerability from the enemy. Or maybe the mask is needed just long enough for us to prepare and build up our strength before we attack.


There are also masks that are worn for the protection of others.  Surgeons wear masks whilst operating for a number of reasons, one of which is to protect the patient from infectious droplets carrying bacteria or viruses that become airborne through a cough or sneeze.  Similarly, there are times when we may need to wear a mask to protect those around us.  Sometimes a mask of strength may be worn to risk hurting others.

That said, these protective masks are worn for a period of time for a specific purpose.  The fencer does not continue to wear the mask once the fight has finished.  The surgeon does not leave the theatre and go home to sleep still wearing the mask.  They are taken off when they are no longer necessary.

We too should take off our masks when they are no longer needed.  The danger is that we get comfortable and continue to wear them.  They begin to form our identity.  Masks that are worn out of season stop protecting and start to form barriers.  They hinder the real you from fully participating in all that God has in store for you and they keep others at a restrictive distance.

I took my mask off this week, it wasn't easy, but I knew it was time.  It had been worn when it was needed, but it was beginning to restrict my own journey, and that I hope to walk with others. 

What about you?

What masks are you currently wearing?

Who are you wearing them in front of?

Are you hiding your true self unnecessarily?

Is it time to begin to take them off?



I am thankful that God knows and loves the real me - of course he does - he created me!  I am also thankful that he will help us to take our masks off at the right time.  He wont force it, but will gently encourage and support us as we do.  Phew!

Out of Sorts

Image courtesy of Heart and Soul

Today, I post out of sorts; it doesn't follow suit.  Its irregularity protrudes when laid aside the norm.

Its difference scares, but is comforted by the recollection of where it began ... nearly a year ago. 

In November last year, after a very difficult month, I began to blog.  The full reason for the venture into blogging can be read in The one at the Beginning, but the significance of today's post - I have copied and pasted below...

'Thirdly ... writing somehow allows me to express myself in a way that makes sense - to me at least!  As someone who finds expression difficult in spoken word - I seem to be able to put my true thoughts and feelings down through pen and paper (keyboard and screen!).  Which - I guess - is ultimately the whole point of attempting this blog.  I hope writing this will allow me to explore and express!  That is for me.'  

So, today, I need to 'explore and express'.  Life is tough.  It has been battle after battle.  I feel like I am losing, and yet, I can't let go.  Sometimes I want to, it would be easier that way.  But it isn't right - I must find the strength and determination and keep going.  I know God has called me to hack away at the overgrown grassland and clear a path for myself (and others) to walk, but the grass cuts the skin, and the work is difficult.  Can I take a rest?  Just a little breather?  Will the grass grow back that quickly if I do?

In all this confusion I am thankful that GOD IS.

That GOD IS my Strength.   

That GOD IS my Guide.

That GOD IS my Comfort.

That GOD IS my Peace.

That GOD IS my Refuge.

And that GOD IS Sovereign and Lord over ALL!


Remembering that GOD IS will keep me going.  Knowing that GOD IS encourages joy amidst the trials.

It is tough, yes, but it never promised to be easy.  BUT ...

GOD IS who I am living for and deep down I am thankful for the privilege and opportunity to do so.

I'm tired but I will push on, run the race, and leave a trail.

The one with the running achievement

Thanks to a great deal with Late Rooms I find myself writing this blog whilst sitting in the lounge of a rather nice hotel.  After a great night's sleep, and a delicious breakfast, I left the boys watching Marley and Me in our room and slipped quietly away with my laptop and book (Jodi Picoult's Keeping Faith).  Having engrossed myself in the book for over an hour, I now feel inspired (and awake enough!) to write this, my eighth blog :)

You may suspect by the title that this blog may have something to do with running?  Well, you would be correct in this assumption.  For, yesterday, I donned my gym gear and running shoes and ventured into the hotel's gym.

My rationale for this absurd behaviour (after all - this was supposed to be a relaxing weekend and I have not been to the gym in over six months!) was three-fold.

Firstly, as 'free use' of the gym came with the hotel package, I somehow felt I needed to take advantage of this, even if it wouldn't usually form part of an ideal weekend away for me.  (This need to make the most of everything offered during the stay also runs into breakfast, where I just have to try everything laid out at the buffet!)

The second reason for entering the gym (and actually using it) lay in the fact that over the last few months I have noticed my jeans getting a little tighter.  I have tried to blame the washing machine and the tumble drier for this, but I think it is about time I start facing up to the fact that it might just be possible that I have put on a few unwanted pounds.

And thirdly, and probably the most persuasive reason for me entering the gym was the reward of enjoying the sauna, steam room and jacuzzi afterwards :)  Oh, how I love them!

So - between 3pm and 4pm yesterday I enjoyed (endured?!) the gym experience.

I have never found running particularly easy.  Even during my fit seasons running has always been a challenging exercise for me.  At the gym, I would be more than content to stick to all other CV machines and totally ignore the treadmill.  However, the gym isn't supposed to be easy right?
So, upon entering, I made my way straight to the treadmill and began my warm up walk.  So far, so good.  Now to up the pace!  A slow jog for a few minutes.

After the initial embarrassment of watching my ipod jump off the shelf on the treadmill, onto the runner (pulling headphones out of my ears) and then zooming off the back and shooting across the gym floor, I actually began to enjoy the experience.  I also achieved a lot more than I thought I was capable of.  You see, I initially set myself a target of two minutes jogging (I really AM unfit!), but as I neared the two minute mark, I felt I had a little bit extra to give, and convinced myself I could make three minutes - then four - then five .... until I had surprisingly managed to jog for eight minutes.  Amazing.  And yet, ten sounded so much better.  So, forgetting my aching legs, and laboured breathing, I told myself I could do an extra two minutes.  I could do it, I could do it, I could do it!  I did it!  Yes!  I had ran for ten minutes, when I only thought I was capable of two.  Breathtaking! (in both senses of the word!)  Go me!

As I lay in bed last night, tired and content (albeit a little bit achy) I contemplated my running achievement.  Why did I set myself such a low target originally? Why did I convince myself I was unable to do any more?  Because, this was all I knew I was capable of.  I didn't think I was fit enough to push for anymore - and I didn't want to fail at trying.  I don't like failure.  And yet, I am beginning to realise that this fear of failure often results in not even giving things a go.  And this, in turn, hinders my development.  If I only ever challenge myself to a two minute run, this is all I will ever achieve.

But I want to continue to develop - physically, spiritually, emotionally, relationally .... do you?

How can we avoid developmentally stagnating?

Having considered this a little, I am beginning to conclude that it is down to belief.  Belief in oneself, the belief of others, and the belief of God.  Let me explain ...

During my run yesterday, I told myself that I could do it.  I encouraged myself to go that little bit further.  I set myself realistic (SMART) challenges that I thought I could do.  As I reached these targets I began to see I was capable of a little bit more.  I believed I could do it.  Belief in one's own abilities is vital if we are going to stretch our existing boundaries and try for more.

The belief of others is also a contributing factor to our personal development.  Although my running achievement yesterday was down to my believing in myself, there have been several times recently, I have been able to achieve far more than expected, due to the belief of others.  Two months ago I received an email from Moorlands College, asking if I would be prepared to give a short testimony of my time with them during my Graduation ceremony.  To some, this may not seem a big deal - but to me it was huge!  Thoughts instantly flooded my mind - 'I am no good at public speaking', 'I don't have anything interesting to say', 'I will speak so fast no-one will even understand me', 'Other people are far more suited to it'.  I pounded myself with negative thoughts, until I allowed a different perspective to enter my mind.  College had chosen me.  Out of all the students they could have asked - they asked me.  That surely had to mean they believed in my ability to perform the task being asked of me.  If they believed in me, then perhaps I could do it after all.  On the 15th October - I ascended the steep steps to the pulpit in Christchurch Priory and shared my testimony to over 500 people.  I pushed my existing boundaries and realised I was capable of more :) 

And finally, when we truly understand how much God believes in us, we will be encouraged and empowered to achieve all he asks of us.  We can step out and achieve in the assurance of his love, his acceptance, and his belief in our abilities.  Wow.  How amazing to have the God of the Universe believing in us.  This in itself should be enough to encourage us to see things differently - if God believes in us, shouldn't we also believe in ourselves?  If God asks us to do something - he knows we can achieve it :) 

This has turned out to be a long blog - but such a challenging one.

Maybe I can challenge you to reach new goals, simply by believing in your own abilities a bit more?  You can do it!

Maybe I can encourage you to express your belief to others more?  Never underestimate the importance of your belief in people.  Your belief may be just what they need to achieve something amazing in their lives.

And more than anything - maybe I can encourage you to consider how awesome it is that God believes in you.  Yes you.  :)  What a difference this should make in our lives!!